Growing up, despite everything

Not much to report from the front lines these days. Dayssi has completed her course of antibiotics and she appears to feel great. We've read that kids with cancer tend to regress, and we've had some of that (we're back to using a pacifier full time) but we are encouraged byDayssi's recent reaching for developmental milestones. Without any suggestion from us she has decided to start working on potty training, and she woke up one day last week and announced that she was ready for a big girl bed. We've made progress on both counts. Dayssi hasn't worn an actual diaper for over a week now and she alternates between underwear and pull ups, using the potty successfully during the day and actually waking sometimes to go during naps. We've rearranged her room so that it now contains a crib and a big girl bed, and although she hasn't yet slept in the bed she is, finally, back in her crib. Since returning from the hospital in May we were letting her sleep with us (I can hear all of you who remember my sleep-training obsession howling out there) but as of last night we have our own bed back. We miss her little soft warm body in there but do not miss sleeping with her scratchy tulle ballet skirts (which she has been wearing all day every day and most nights). India helped with the transition, offering to sleep in the new bed in Dayssi's room with Dayssi in the crib. It was a real joy to see them comfort one another last night; they both seemed to love being in the same room and nodded off peacefully facing one another. It was the easiest bedtime since Dayssi came home from the hospital. And, the girls played so much and so nicely together this weekend that I was reluctant to leave the house! We are still waiting for parts of the bed apparatus -- there is an actual frame coming from Ikea and a very romantic princess net as well. We've been working on India's room too -- recently hung some new art work, got a new duvet and sheets, and made some new space for a little desk and chair which she won't need for a while but which she thinks are very cool and grown up. We'll try to send pictures soon.

India is still fragile and stressed. She is overtired, and she is anxious; she now knows what the word anxious means and uses it correctly, often. She has been waking up at night terrified, insists she does not want to go to kindergarten (has she ever said that she didn't want to do anything before?) and has been fixated on recounting an unfortunate incident from our past (over a year ago) when she got stuck in an elevator by herself. We've talked with our pediatrician about India and how best to help her, and we now have the names of a few counselors who specialize in treating siblings of young cancer patients. The other night when we were talking about her feelings I told her that when daddy and I feel anxious we sometimes see a special doctor who takes care of people's feelings and I asked her if she would like to see a doctor like that. She smiled and nodded. So this will be a new adventure for India starting soon.

Tomorrow we have a spinal procedure scheduled to inject some more chemo into Dayssi. It is the third weekly spinal procedure since we started phase 2 of treatment, and after this one we get a break for a while. It is a grisly procedure when you think about it but she sleeps through them and does not seem to be aware of them, only worries about the band-aids that mysteriously appear on her back and when they will have to come off. There'll be some new challenge, drug wise, coming soon I'm sure, but for now we are enjoying the relative ease of familiar drugs adminstered at familiar times that evoke little resistance.